"Ah." Julius sits back in his chair. His reaction may not be the easiest to read, but it's clear he's neither shocked nor offended; whatever else is there, there is certainly sympathy.
"...I know you've read about the Circles. More than many rifters who have been here longer than you, I suspect. But I think... They left their mark on those of us who lived them, in a variety of ways. I don't begrudge you your instincts, for what it's worth. I think it's good, in general, that you pay attention to your gut and that you heed your mentor's advice. Contrary to how it may appear, mage rights are not actually an issue that requires unanimity within Riftwatch. I think rights for mages and freedom from Corypheus are connected, but then, I would." As a mage. "It's not an official organizational position."
He rests a hand on the desk, as if he might drum his fingers but is resisting the urge. "My own views on what next after the war, and probably on templars, are ... I would venture radical in comparison to Thedas at large, but moderate to conservative for 'the mages in Riftwatch.' I can't speak for Enchanter Isaac with perfect clarity. He's made some of his thoughts public enough, but I am not in his confidence. But do you feel so unsafe with him that you could not work together on assignments unrelated to mage-templar relations?" It's not meant to be a leading question. He's clearly trying to determine just how shaken she is and why.
How does she just come out and say this, gods, she hasn't had to figure it out before. With Stephen, she just showed him, she didn't have to say it out loud. Ness shifts, uncomfortable, while she thinks, weighing the different ways she could go about this.
"I believe entirely in the necessity of the freedom of mages from the Circles," to start, since that seems like it won't necessarily be a controversial opinion with Julius. "But, come the end of this war, it may be more dangerous for someone of my... talent, to be seen as publicly aligned with a person whose position is so... intense?"
This isn't making anything any clearer. Ness signs, and shakes her head, steeling herself, straightening her posture. Out with it, come on.
"Since our first encounter, I've found that the tentacles aren't the only magic of which I am capable. Some of what I can do now, the magic that's revealing itself to me... It comes dangerously close to blood magic. Telepathy, coercion."
Her greatest anxiety, finally revealed. Ness watches Julius carefully, intent on every minute twitch of reaction to this news. She can't help following up with... something, some kind of reassurance, maybe.
"It's not blood magic, it comes entirely from my own power. I've been working to make sure I'm in complete control of it, so I'm not a liability to Riftwatch. I'm doing everything I can to avoid it becoming a problem anyone else has to worry about."
This one is a long pause. He doesn't recoil. There's nothing so direct. But he's a man who, thus far, has had a smooth answer for most things, and this news stops him for a moment.
Finally, he says, "I am glad you are taking control seriously." Well. "You are not wrong that it's going to alarm people, some very seriously. Even without blood magic or any evidence of possession," though the way he frames it suggests they might keep an eye out, "telepathy and coercion are both powers that infringe on free will and that isn't going to be something most people are enthusiastic about."
(Except, perhaps, the Scouting division, but that's a thought that's not helpful at the moment so he files it away.)
"The telepathy is easy to imagine, how you would notice you were capable and that it needed control. What sort of coercion, and how did you notice?"
She's been lucky in the past weeks and she knows it: even the natives who've been made aware of her telepathy have been understanding about it. There's been no scramble to explain herself, no reason to fear a visit from a templar. Given how bad things could go, any reprieve is a blessing she needs to be grateful for. She'd been expecting people to fear her when they found out what she could do, she doesn't get to be sad when it actually happens.
That doesn't make seeing the shift in perception any easier to stomach.
"I've been training my telepathy with Doctor Strange," who Julian literally suggested to her for this exact purpose, so hopefully he won't be bothered to have been passed up as a teacher, "and in doing so, testing the limits of what I'm capable of. From what we've learned, I can make someone... "
Ness pauses, considering how to phrase it both correctly and least-alarmingly.
"I can engender an unfounded fondness in others. It comes with no manipulation of memories nor thoughts, according to the Doctor. Just an unaccountable fondness, a sense that we're friendlier than we should be. The affection fades, with time."
Which is still, of course, coercive in natureβbut perhaps less alarmingly so than other things she could be doing. Hopefully that means something. Hopefully her being honest about all this means something.
"I died," with what she thinks is admirable steadiness, "before I arrived here. I have no desire to cut this second chance short with even the suggestion of blood magic, Seneschal, which is why I worry over association with so unsubtle a man as the Enchanter. It feels like painting an even brighter target on my back than is already there."
It's not as if Thedosian mages can't sympathize with the difficulty of having someone judge you because of abilities you never asked for in the first place. On the other hand, his very particular background means his reaction to her confession includes an involuntary drop of the stomach that he has to take a moment to master.
When he speaks, it's quiet and measured. "Strange is a good choice. Since he's not a native mage, he's not as likely to have the same associations with certain types of magic. And he's a trustworthy man." Julius feels confident in that, at least. He also feels reasonably sure Stephen is powerful enough that he'll have some mental defenses in place, should he need them; that feels unkind to say out loud.
"I am sorry. About your death in your home world. You are not the only rifter to have arrived here that way, and of course it affects how you evaluate Thedas." He exhales, slowly, as if his train of thought has arrived somewhere. "I do not think you need push yourself to associate closely with the enchanter if you feel it is unwise. I will note that Riftwatch, as a whole, is not particularly popular with the Chantry or the Templar Order, so I am afraid that being here will bring you at least some associations. That said, not everyone here is a radical on mage rights in particular." Mildly said. "You needn't be one who is, or be seen to be one."
After a moment, he laces his fingers together, as if to hold them still. "If I were you, I would be inclined to tell at least the Division heads what you have found in your training with Strange, though. I won't force your hand, but if someone outside the organization were to learn what you can do and blindside them, their hand might be forced. The organization is more likely to be able to protect you if at least the highest ranking members know that it's a vulnerability." A bit quieter. "I can vouch for the Commander. He wouldn't mistreat a mage, rifter or native, whose intentions are good and simply needs help with control. And the Provost is herself a rifter and so unlikely to have blood magic associations top of mind." Yseult is harder to read (which was hard to criticize, given her job); still, Julius finds it unlikely she'll treat Ness poorly. They've had rifters with more difficult conditions to handle, some recently.
This should, probably, be enough to settle her mind. She needn't be too close to the Enchanter, and being part of Riftwatch affords her some measure of protection she mightn't have otherwise. Ness can go back to her room and avoid Isaac and think about how to 'fess up to the Division heads and that's that. No further worry or conversation needed.
Something still needles at her though, some sense of dissatisfaction that anchors her to her seat. It takes a long moment for her to nod.
Whatever it is that's still bothering her, she doesn't have words for it. The Seneschal is clearly bothered by the nature of her magic; there's no reason to hold him hostage in her presence when she can't even figure out what she wants him to say.
"I'll start thinking on how to explain myself to the Division heads," she says, "Thank you, for allaying my fears. I'm sure you have no shortage of work to get back to."
This time, she knows what arrests her, prevents her from walking out the door following a polite dismissal. Try as she might, she can't help the nervous twitch of her hands at her sides at the prospect thatβ
"If you'd prefer not to work so closely with me, I can step down as Quartermaster. I don't want to interfere with your work."
"No," is immediate. "Not that's not necessary. It's not ..." He exhales heavily. "You haven't done anything wrong, Ennaris. You've been dealt a very complicated hand, and I can see you are doing your best with it. My reaction is more..."
A pause, as if over a decision. "I know you have done a bit of reading, about the Circles. Have you encountered anything about Kinloch Hold? Say what happened there about 20 years ago, with the near annulment?"
He doesn't expect her to have; it's a very specific piece of history. But he asks to know how far he needs to back up in giving her the proper context.
"I've.. heard of it, yes," brow furrowed as she tries to think of just where she's heard of Kinloch Holdβshe's read so many history books, the events and names start to blur together if she's not careful. Okay, hang on, she can figure this outβtwenty years ago makes it...
"During the Fifth Blight, if I'm not mistaken? The Hero of Fereldan conscripted the mages of Kinloch Hold to help fight the Archdemon."
That's clearly not the whole of the story here, nor what Julius is entirely referring to, but it's all that was meaningfully covered in A Study of the Fifth Blight. Recent history was less of Ness's focus at first, so she hasn't spent as much time seeking out more information on the Fifth Blight as she has the Firstβit was either more ancient history or current events, during her initial studying.
"Yes, that's right." He is going to have to explain, to give context to his reaction, and he certainly doesn't give the impression of being eager to do so. That said, he goes on calmly enough.
"I was there. Well. Not for Uldred's Rebellion itself; I was one of a few mages who'd been pulled out for discussions about the Blight, after Ostagar. But I saw the aftermath when we returned." He pauses, deciding on his words "Uldred had been a senior enchanter. I don't know that I need to explain the full politics of what led up to the incident, really, but Uldred attempted a coup against the Circle's leadership. He summoned a Pride demon, lost control, and was possessed by it. He then tempted or coerced some of the other mages into using blood magic or becoming abominations, or first one and then the other. Between those who succumbed to using dark magic and those who died resisting them, it was..."
He stops for a moment, glancing away. Finally, he says, "Cousland and his allies managed to stop Uldred and get the situation sufficiently controlled that Kinloch Hold was not annulled outright, though I understand it was a close thing. Those of us in shape to do so supported Cousland in the fight against the Archdemon, that's true. But when we went back to the Circle after the Blight, it was ... a very empty tower, compared to before. So my experience with blood magic is particular, even for a mage."
Julius explains, and Ness is silent, attentive, allowing him to recount his experience without interruption or distraction. She tries to put herself in that position, imagines leaving Candlekeep to fight in a war only to return and find many of the people she'd known her whole life dead, or traitors and then dead.
It's not so unfamiliar a story, really.
"Thank you, Seneschal. For trusting me with that story."
For a second, it seems that Ness might leave it there, finish excusing herself from his office and return to her own. The silence that follows rests, considering.
"Five years ago, practicioners of evil magics attacked my home," she says eventually, a far-away look in her eyes. "They had infiltrated the ranks of our monks and installed themselves in positions of power, and we were not prepared for their betrayal. My mentor died in that attack. Many of the monks and scribes I'd known my whole life died. Our Keeper... "
She takes a shaky breath, and refocuses. This is, in the short scheme of her life so far, an old wound. The ripples of these losses can't even reach her here.
"There are some forms of magic I cannot abide, as a result. I'm only fortunate that they don't exist here. So, Sir, all this to say... I understand, and I'm sorry to have put you in this position. "
"I'm sorry that you've the occasion to understand so personally. And about your mentor."
He has a brief pang as he realizes how long it's been since he's thought about Irving; how little idea he has where the man is, or even if he's still alive. He's not sure he'd describe Irving as a mentor, but there was a time when his good opinion had been central to Julius's life all the same.
"You have given me no reason, on your own merits, to distrust you. Quite the contrary. I've no wish to avoid you, I only thought you should know why I might flinch away from this in particular. What I see that isn't you. But I hope you will say, if you feel I am treating you unfairly. My experiences don't excuse an overreaction in the present."
"It would not be an overreaction. But you haven't been unfair."
There's not much else to say after that, really. Or, there might be, if Julius weren't clearly in need of time to right himself in the face of this unwelcome reminder of a time past, or if Ness were more willing to assert herself in the face of someone else's discomfort. Things being the way they are, though, she only hesitates for another moment before giving a respectful bow of her head.
"I will see you in tomorrow's meeting, Seneschal. Thank you for your time."
With that, she quits his office to return to her room and analyze the conversation over and over on a continual loop.
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"...I know you've read about the Circles. More than many rifters who have been here longer than you, I suspect. But I think... They left their mark on those of us who lived them, in a variety of ways. I don't begrudge you your instincts, for what it's worth. I think it's good, in general, that you pay attention to your gut and that you heed your mentor's advice. Contrary to how it may appear, mage rights are not actually an issue that requires unanimity within Riftwatch. I think rights for mages and freedom from Corypheus are connected, but then, I would." As a mage. "It's not an official organizational position."
He rests a hand on the desk, as if he might drum his fingers but is resisting the urge. "My own views on what next after the war, and probably on templars, are ... I would venture radical in comparison to Thedas at large, but moderate to conservative for 'the mages in Riftwatch.' I can't speak for Enchanter Isaac with perfect clarity. He's made some of his thoughts public enough, but I am not in his confidence. But do you feel so unsafe with him that you could not work together on assignments unrelated to mage-templar relations?" It's not meant to be a leading question. He's clearly trying to determine just how shaken she is and why.
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"No, it's not so bad as all that, it is more..."
How does she just come out and say this, gods, she hasn't had to figure it out before. With Stephen, she just showed him, she didn't have to say it out loud. Ness shifts, uncomfortable, while she thinks, weighing the different ways she could go about this.
"I believe entirely in the necessity of the freedom of mages from the Circles," to start, since that seems like it won't necessarily be a controversial opinion with Julius. "But, come the end of this war, it may be more dangerous for someone of my... talent, to be seen as publicly aligned with a person whose position is so... intense?"
This isn't making anything any clearer. Ness signs, and shakes her head, steeling herself, straightening her posture. Out with it, come on.
"Since our first encounter, I've found that the tentacles aren't the only magic of which I am capable. Some of what I can do now, the magic that's revealing itself to me... It comes dangerously close to blood magic. Telepathy, coercion."
Her greatest anxiety, finally revealed. Ness watches Julius carefully, intent on every minute twitch of reaction to this news. She can't help following up with... something, some kind of reassurance, maybe.
"It's not blood magic, it comes entirely from my own power. I've been working to make sure I'm in complete control of it, so I'm not a liability to Riftwatch. I'm doing everything I can to avoid it becoming a problem anyone else has to worry about."
no subject
Finally, he says, "I am glad you are taking control seriously." Well. "You are not wrong that it's going to alarm people, some very seriously. Even without blood magic or any evidence of possession," though the way he frames it suggests they might keep an eye out, "telepathy and coercion are both powers that infringe on free will and that isn't going to be something most people are enthusiastic about."
(Except, perhaps, the Scouting division, but that's a thought that's not helpful at the moment so he files it away.)
"The telepathy is easy to imagine, how you would notice you were capable and that it needed control. What sort of coercion, and how did you notice?"
no subject
She's been lucky in the past weeks and she knows it: even the natives who've been made aware of her telepathy have been understanding about it. There's been no scramble to explain herself, no reason to fear a visit from a templar. Given how bad things could go, any reprieve is a blessing she needs to be grateful for. She'd been expecting people to fear her when they found out what she could do, she doesn't get to be sad when it actually happens.
That doesn't make seeing the shift in perception any easier to stomach.
"I've been training my telepathy with Doctor Strange," who Julian literally suggested to her for this exact purpose, so hopefully he won't be bothered to have been passed up as a teacher, "and in doing so, testing the limits of what I'm capable of. From what we've learned, I can make someone... "
Ness pauses, considering how to phrase it both correctly and least-alarmingly.
"I can engender an unfounded fondness in others. It comes with no manipulation of memories nor thoughts, according to the Doctor. Just an unaccountable fondness, a sense that we're friendlier than we should be. The affection fades, with time."
Which is still, of course, coercive in natureβbut perhaps less alarmingly so than other things she could be doing. Hopefully that means something. Hopefully her being honest about all this means something.
"I died," with what she thinks is admirable steadiness, "before I arrived here. I have no desire to cut this second chance short with even the suggestion of blood magic, Seneschal, which is why I worry over association with so unsubtle a man as the Enchanter. It feels like painting an even brighter target on my back than is already there."
no subject
When he speaks, it's quiet and measured. "Strange is a good choice. Since he's not a native mage, he's not as likely to have the same associations with certain types of magic. And he's a trustworthy man." Julius feels confident in that, at least. He also feels reasonably sure Stephen is powerful enough that he'll have some mental defenses in place, should he need them; that feels unkind to say out loud.
"I am sorry. About your death in your home world. You are not the only rifter to have arrived here that way, and of course it affects how you evaluate Thedas." He exhales, slowly, as if his train of thought has arrived somewhere. "I do not think you need push yourself to associate closely with the enchanter if you feel it is unwise. I will note that Riftwatch, as a whole, is not particularly popular with the Chantry or the Templar Order, so I am afraid that being here will bring you at least some associations. That said, not everyone here is a radical on mage rights in particular." Mildly said. "You needn't be one who is, or be seen to be one."
After a moment, he laces his fingers together, as if to hold them still. "If I were you, I would be inclined to tell at least the Division heads what you have found in your training with Strange, though. I won't force your hand, but if someone outside the organization were to learn what you can do and blindside them, their hand might be forced. The organization is more likely to be able to protect you if at least the highest ranking members know that it's a vulnerability." A bit quieter. "I can vouch for the Commander. He wouldn't mistreat a mage, rifter or native, whose intentions are good and simply needs help with control. And the Provost is herself a rifter and so unlikely to have blood magic associations top of mind." Yseult is harder to read (which was hard to criticize, given her job); still, Julius finds it unlikely she'll treat Ness poorly. They've had rifters with more difficult conditions to handle, some recently.
no subject
This should, probably, be enough to settle her mind. She needn't be too close to the Enchanter, and being part of Riftwatch affords her some measure of protection she mightn't have otherwise. Ness can go back to her room and avoid Isaac and think about how to 'fess up to the Division heads and that's that. No further worry or conversation needed.
Something still needles at her though, some sense of dissatisfaction that anchors her to her seat. It takes a long moment for her to nod.
Whatever it is that's still bothering her, she doesn't have words for it. The Seneschal is clearly bothered by the nature of her magic; there's no reason to hold him hostage in her presence when she can't even figure out what she wants him to say.
"I'll start thinking on how to explain myself to the Division heads," she says, "Thank you, for allaying my fears. I'm sure you have no shortage of work to get back to."
This time, she knows what arrests her, prevents her from walking out the door following a polite dismissal. Try as she might, she can't help the nervous twitch of her hands at her sides at the prospect thatβ
"If you'd prefer not to work so closely with me, I can step down as Quartermaster. I don't want to interfere with your work."
no subject
A pause, as if over a decision. "I know you have done a bit of reading, about the Circles. Have you encountered anything about Kinloch Hold? Say what happened there about 20 years ago, with the near annulment?"
He doesn't expect her to have; it's a very specific piece of history. But he asks to know how far he needs to back up in giving her the proper context.
no subject
"I've.. heard of it, yes," brow furrowed as she tries to think of just where she's heard of Kinloch Holdβshe's read so many history books, the events and names start to blur together if she's not careful. Okay, hang on, she can figure this outβtwenty years ago makes it...
"During the Fifth Blight, if I'm not mistaken? The Hero of Fereldan conscripted the mages of Kinloch Hold to help fight the Archdemon."
That's clearly not the whole of the story here, nor what Julius is entirely referring to, but it's all that was meaningfully covered in A Study of the Fifth Blight. Recent history was less of Ness's focus at first, so she hasn't spent as much time seeking out more information on the Fifth Blight as she has the Firstβit was either more ancient history or current events, during her initial studying.
no subject
"I was there. Well. Not for Uldred's Rebellion itself; I was one of a few mages who'd been pulled out for discussions about the Blight, after Ostagar. But I saw the aftermath when we returned." He pauses, deciding on his words "Uldred had been a senior enchanter. I don't know that I need to explain the full politics of what led up to the incident, really, but Uldred attempted a coup against the Circle's leadership. He summoned a Pride demon, lost control, and was possessed by it. He then tempted or coerced some of the other mages into using blood magic or becoming abominations, or first one and then the other. Between those who succumbed to using dark magic and those who died resisting them, it was..."
He stops for a moment, glancing away. Finally, he says, "Cousland and his allies managed to stop Uldred and get the situation sufficiently controlled that Kinloch Hold was not annulled outright, though I understand it was a close thing. Those of us in shape to do so supported Cousland in the fight against the Archdemon, that's true. But when we went back to the Circle after the Blight, it was ... a very empty tower, compared to before. So my experience with blood magic is particular, even for a mage."
no subject
It's not so unfamiliar a story, really.
"Thank you, Seneschal. For trusting me with that story."
For a second, it seems that Ness might leave it there, finish excusing herself from his office and return to her own. The silence that follows rests, considering.
"Five years ago, practicioners of evil magics attacked my home," she says eventually, a far-away look in her eyes. "They had infiltrated the ranks of our monks and installed themselves in positions of power, and we were not prepared for their betrayal. My mentor died in that attack. Many of the monks and scribes I'd known my whole life died. Our Keeper... "
She takes a shaky breath, and refocuses. This is, in the short scheme of her life so far, an old wound. The ripples of these losses can't even reach her here.
"There are some forms of magic I cannot abide, as a result. I'm only fortunate that they don't exist here. So, Sir, all this to say... I understand, and I'm sorry to have put you in this position. "
no subject
He has a brief pang as he realizes how long it's been since he's thought about Irving; how little idea he has where the man is, or even if he's still alive. He's not sure he'd describe Irving as a mentor, but there was a time when his good opinion had been central to Julius's life all the same.
"You have given me no reason, on your own merits, to distrust you. Quite the contrary. I've no wish to avoid you, I only thought you should know why I might flinch away from this in particular. What I see that isn't you. But I hope you will say, if you feel I am treating you unfairly. My experiences don't excuse an overreaction in the present."
π
There's not much else to say after that, really. Or, there might be, if Julius weren't clearly in need of time to right himself in the face of this unwelcome reminder of a time past, or if Ness were more willing to assert herself in the face of someone else's discomfort. Things being the way they are, though, she only hesitates for another moment before giving a respectful bow of her head.
"I will see you in tomorrow's meeting, Seneschal. Thank you for your time."
With that, she quits his office to return to her room and analyze the conversation over and over on a continual loop.