[That brief pause has her wondering if she overstepped herself, but she relaxes a little as he begins to speak. Lifting her teacup, she takes a moment to sip. That centers her a bit more.]
It's difficult for me to say whether or not all that we witnessed was accurate to that horrific chain of events. I was a child, and I didn't see the spark that set the tower ablaze, or what the Hero of Ferelden did to put it out. I...do remember having a lesson in the library, hearing chaos from the stairs leading up to the second floor. Everything happened very fast after that, but not so quickly that I saw nothing. Those abominations you saw, the blood mages seeking other mages to torment or turn...I remember enough to know that was true.
[Her voice remains calm, that shattered composure long-since repaired, though her eyes darken a touch.] It's not anything I would ever have wanted to purposely inflict on anyone, though I suspect the spirits were drawn to me for my memories. For that, I am sorry. You have enough to balance, without being shown what happened in such explicit detail.
[It was as much his home as hers, and who wants to remember their home like that?]
As I said, [quiet but wry.] It isn't as if I never imagined. We knew everyone who died that day. It's not as if the Circle was large enough for there to be stranger, even if you weren't equally close to everyone.
It always felt empty. I don't know about you, but it did to me. We had new apprentices, yes, the odd transfer, but it didn't make up for it.
[They'd lost people at Denerim, too, those who'd survived Uldred only to fall to the Darkspawn.]
It was hard not to feel guilty for not having been there, even though it was just chance. It's not as if there's any guarantee any of us who weren't there would have made any difference. But one can't help wondering.
[She nods with a melancholy smile, remembering well a few faces who didn't survive the day whatever her actual closeness to them.]
That year was a hard one. The Circle felt emptier for a long time, and I know we all felt it. The Templars, too.
[Something she never talked about with Anders, certain he had no interest in that perspective.]
I think I understand what you mean. I hadn't made any meaningful contribution, but if I had been older, more capable, perhaps there would have been a few more familiar faces at the end. Perhaps you could have saved them, too, but...you could have been killed or taken, as well. I'm just glad you lived, one more teacher we didn't lose.
Well. At least the both of us know, in part, that our regrets aren't based in logic. There was no fairness in who survived and who did not; no logic to it. It simply was.
[They'd almost none of them survived, as close as they'd skated to annulment... but one trauma at a time.]
It left a lot of empty chairs at mealtimes, but it also made me value everyone left the more, I think.
[It simply was. Inessa makes a mental note to tell herself that more often. Appeals to fairness and logic in the face of such a time of senseless savagery wouldn't lead anywhere sane. She manages a small smile in turn.]
Likewise...I think everyone I knew closed ranks a bit. The petty rivalries and whatnot didn't seem to matter anymore, or at least not more than offering each other some comfort.
...well, unspoken comfort. Very few actually seemed to talk about it, as we are now.
No. It seemed... well. There was hardly time, in the middle of a Blight, and then after it felt as if it was opening wounds that had begun to heal.
I'd do it differently now, though, I think. At the time it felt as if we were getting back to normal, but that wasn't really it, exactly. Nothing was really the same.
[The templars had been more paranoid, some who'd been neutral turned openly hostile. The enchanters had all kept a stricter eye on the apprentices, and on one another. Things quieted, but he wasn't sure how much they'd ever calmed.]
[She doesn't remember shifting Templar attitudes, much, but closer supervision by older mages now comes to mind.]
...I wasn't going to bring current politics into this, but now I have to ask; did seeing all that influence your thoughts on the upcoming election at all, either way?
I suppose it's influenced my politics in its way for years. I've never made it a secret that I think that it's a mistake to pursue a future for mages with no oversight or safeguards at all. What precisely those safeguards look like, and how much the Chantry is involved, is certainly worth discussing, but... I suppose find it all too easy to imagine Uldred in a university, or a city like Denerim. If he took so many lives among mages and templars, most of whom could fight back, how many more could he have killed if he'd been set loose on a population with neither magic nor the tools to counter it?
That's certainly fair...and I can't say it hasn't influence my own mindset.
[How could it not? She had been but a child and seen some of the worst that could come of rebellious mages who threw morality aside. Nor did she limit the blame to Uldred; his followers all made their choice. She nods, her mouth set.]
Our worst enemy will always be ourselves and our own kind, if unshackled from concerns of morality. We've seen what happens when mages give into the worst of themselves. Trying to justify it doesn't change the damage done, or lives lost. And blood magic will never just be another school, like any other.
[Did that sound bitter? Well, maybe just a little.]
So far...I admit I favor Agathe. Elise doesn't stand a snowball's chance in the Western Approach, and some seem to forget the potential for severe backlash that would happen if by any chance she was elected.
I agree. I think Agathe is the best choice that will stick. Backlash would be the least of it if Elise is chosen, and the middle of a war is not the time I want to see how long it takes a truly radical Divine to be assassinated.
[It's much franker than he might be in other circumstances, but... he's willing to be pinned down this once, this far.]
If Agathe is stubborn, well... any changes are likely to stay changed, and I suspect she won't go back on anything the Chantry has already promised. It's something to build from.
I also think Isaac had a point in the broader discussion, though; all of us can agree Gertruda would be a disaster. If we can't unite for someone, uniting against someone at least saves us from the worst case.
[She nods grimly at mention of assassination. Elise has too many detractors for that to be anything but a likely outcome.]
Gertruda is a problem...though the wishy-washy one could be just as bad, if she has those strongly in favor of the old system without any changes to influence her. Anything that could grin the ascension of either one to a halt would have my approval. [A small smirk forms.] If the northern Grey Wardens are going to throw away any pretense at avoiding politics, I won't hold back either.
I've no love for Clorentine, but given the Inquisition's overall position, I assumed cooperation there was more or less given. Not that I can see why she'd have many supporters anyway -- too risky. Give me someone I disagree with who holds a consistent, coherent position any day.
So far...research. I want to know more about all the candidates involved; their strengths, their weaknesses, their opinions about dogs. [Mostly joking about the latter. Mostly.] And of course if anything uncovered might compromise certain candidates, I would love to see it fall into the right hands. Those voting might not care about the same things that we hold dear, but that isn't to say that the candidates hands are clean. Everyone has skeletons in their closet.
Information is never a bad thing, though we don't have as much time for gathering it as I'd like. In fairness, we probably should have been keeping a closer eye out before now, but... Corypheus.
He may not have caused all of the issues we now deal with, but he's certainly manipulated them. No wonder we didn't have time or energy to spare for this until now. And you're right, there isn't much time for research or even action. But...I hate waiting for whatever is to come without doing something to influence it. It shouldn't matter to me anymore, I'm a Warden. They won't make me return, but....
[...she gestures at him, also meaning all the colleagues and friends she's made in the Circle and now outside it. Whatever will happen to them is something she can't ignore.]
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It's difficult for me to say whether or not all that we witnessed was accurate to that horrific chain of events. I was a child, and I didn't see the spark that set the tower ablaze, or what the Hero of Ferelden did to put it out. I...do remember having a lesson in the library, hearing chaos from the stairs leading up to the second floor. Everything happened very fast after that, but not so quickly that I saw nothing. Those abominations you saw, the blood mages seeking other mages to torment or turn...I remember enough to know that was true.
[Her voice remains calm, that shattered composure long-since repaired, though her eyes darken a touch.] It's not anything I would ever have wanted to purposely inflict on anyone, though I suspect the spirits were drawn to me for my memories. For that, I am sorry. You have enough to balance, without being shown what happened in such explicit detail.
[It was as much his home as hers, and who wants to remember their home like that?]
no subject
It always felt empty. I don't know about you, but it did to me. We had new apprentices, yes, the odd transfer, but it didn't make up for it.
[They'd lost people at Denerim, too, those who'd survived Uldred only to fall to the Darkspawn.]
It was hard not to feel guilty for not having been there, even though it was just chance. It's not as if there's any guarantee any of us who weren't there would have made any difference. But one can't help wondering.
no subject
That year was a hard one. The Circle felt emptier for a long time, and I know we all felt it. The Templars, too.
[Something she never talked about with Anders, certain he had no interest in that perspective.]
I think I understand what you mean. I hadn't made any meaningful contribution, but if I had been older, more capable, perhaps there would have been a few more familiar faces at the end. Perhaps you could have saved them, too, but...you could have been killed or taken, as well. I'm just glad you lived, one more teacher we didn't lose.
no subject
Well. At least the both of us know, in part, that our regrets aren't based in logic. There was no fairness in who survived and who did not; no logic to it. It simply was.
[They'd almost none of them survived, as close as they'd skated to annulment... but one trauma at a time.]
It left a lot of empty chairs at mealtimes, but it also made me value everyone left the more, I think.
no subject
Likewise...I think everyone I knew closed ranks a bit. The petty rivalries and whatnot didn't seem to matter anymore, or at least not more than offering each other some comfort.
...well, unspoken comfort. Very few actually seemed to talk about it, as we are now.
no subject
I'd do it differently now, though, I think. At the time it felt as if we were getting back to normal, but that wasn't really it, exactly. Nothing was really the same.
[The templars had been more paranoid, some who'd been neutral turned openly hostile. The enchanters had all kept a stricter eye on the apprentices, and on one another. Things quieted, but he wasn't sure how much they'd ever calmed.]
no subject
[She doesn't remember shifting Templar attitudes, much, but closer supervision by older mages now comes to mind.]
...I wasn't going to bring current politics into this, but now I have to ask; did seeing all that influence your thoughts on the upcoming election at all, either way?
no subject
I suppose it's influenced my politics in its way for years. I've never made it a secret that I think that it's a mistake to pursue a future for mages with no oversight or safeguards at all. What precisely those safeguards look like, and how much the Chantry is involved, is certainly worth discussing, but... I suppose find it all too easy to imagine Uldred in a university, or a city like Denerim. If he took so many lives among mages and templars, most of whom could fight back, how many more could he have killed if he'd been set loose on a population with neither magic nor the tools to counter it?
no subject
[How could it not? She had been but a child and seen some of the worst that could come of rebellious mages who threw morality aside. Nor did she limit the blame to Uldred; his followers all made their choice. She nods, her mouth set.]
Our worst enemy will always be ourselves and our own kind, if unshackled from concerns of morality. We've seen what happens when mages give into the worst of themselves. Trying to justify it doesn't change the damage done, or lives lost. And blood magic will never just be another school, like any other.
[Did that sound bitter? Well, maybe just a little.]
So far...I admit I favor Agathe. Elise doesn't stand a snowball's chance in the Western Approach, and some seem to forget the potential for severe backlash that would happen if by any chance she was elected.
no subject
[It's much franker than he might be in other circumstances, but... he's willing to be pinned down this once, this far.]
If Agathe is stubborn, well... any changes are likely to stay changed, and I suspect she won't go back on anything the Chantry has already promised. It's something to build from.
I also think Isaac had a point in the broader discussion, though; all of us can agree Gertruda would be a disaster. If we can't unite for someone, uniting against someone at least saves us from the worst case.
no subject
Gertruda is a problem...though the wishy-washy one could be just as bad, if she has those strongly in favor of the old system without any changes to influence her. Anything that could grin the ascension of either one to a halt would have my approval. [A small smirk forms.] If the northern Grey Wardens are going to throw away any pretense at avoiding politics, I won't hold back either.
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Have you any plans in mind?
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no subject
[The tone of what can one do?]
no subject
[She nods in grim agreement.]
He may not have caused all of the issues we now deal with, but he's certainly manipulated them. No wonder we didn't have time or energy to spare for this until now. And you're right, there isn't much time for research or even action. But...I hate waiting for whatever is to come without doing something to influence it. It shouldn't matter to me anymore, I'm a Warden. They won't make me return, but....
[...she gestures at him, also meaning all the colleagues and friends she's made in the Circle and now outside it. Whatever will happen to them is something she can't ignore.]