Mn. [ Head ducking, sheepish. ] You are right, of course. Even a pious man may find he has a powerful need to eat.
I have never tried it, you know. Not fasting, I have fasted, but even as a clergyman, I never saw the point of further self-restriction. Lately, though-- I suppose when things become complicated, one looks for ways to make them simpler, yes?
[No sane man could argue that things weren't complicated.]
But you'll forgive me for observing you seem to have something specific on your mind.
[He doesn't make it a direct question, so it's easy enough to deflect. But it's clearly an invitation all the same. Julius sees no reason to hide the fact that his curiosity is piqued, considering.]
[ Ilias gives an apologetic sort of sigh, leaning back and bringing two fingers up to the knot between his brows. ] Not something about which any of the parties involved would appreciate my specificity. Forgive me.
[ But Julius is asking, maybe-- ]
Can we say-- in your days of being inconveniently trapped in a tower with everyone you ever made eyes at, was there ever more than one? That had your heart, not just your attention.
[ Or else he'd have to count, like, half of Riftwatch. ]
[He is not going to press for identities; given how long it took for most of the Gallows to notice he and Petrana were involved, there's some evidence for his understanding discretion.]
Not precisely in the way I suspect you mean. I have more than one person I think I could have been happy with longer than I was, in different circumstances. Where we ended because because one of us decided the risk of discovery was too much, or that it would be better not to pursue a deeper connection when we were in a Circle and we'd always be stealing a moment here or there. I still held them in my heart after we ended things, sometimes, even into a new affair. But I was never pulled equally in multiple directions at once, as it were. I suspect part of that was luck, though, not anything to do with my choices.
[And part of it was how many people died in the one-two punch of Uldred and the Fifth Blight, but that seems needlessly bleak to bring up.]
Those sound like much more responsible reasons to end a relationship than any of mine. You might give yourself some credit.
[ Ilias mostly considered none of those things and then got upset when they turned out to be important. So, bravo. ]
I have not been so careful; perhaps that is a more useful comparison. I was once, but— it is easy to forget, yes? In the moment, that one ought not always pursue a deeper connection, as you put it. But once such bonds exist, and there is danger in their inevitable breaking — I suppose I only wonder if it is cowardice or sense, to sever them sooner.
I assure you, I've had a couple of messier ends, too. It just wasn't a mess because of an additional person.
[Breakups can be bad in so many ways, even if you're a levelheaded peacemaker.]
As for your position... I honestly don't know. Retreat can represent cowardice or sense, after all, depending on the context. And it's not always clear on the ground. If it were me, I might weigh it differently depending on what the likely danger was.
[Someone being hurt emotionally requires different consideration than, say, a party being made tranquil or someone getting executed.
Ilias is not much of a liar. Nor much of an actor, it seems, as the reassuring smile he smooths too-late over his expression comes out a bit less No more than bruised feelings, of course, and more What's a little mild possession among friends?.
Anyway. ]
The greater the danger, I gather, the more caution begins to look sensible. [ And the less one wants to exercise it. A sigh. ] Thank you, Enchanter, that is a clarifying rule of thumb at least.
I'm not sure I feel as if I helped very much, but I am glad you think so, at least. But it is likely fair to say that I tend to weigh risk and reward rather carefully. I know it's not everyone's approach. And,
[wry]
as I said. I've often just been lucky, at least when it comes to this sort of problem in particular.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I have never tried it, you know. Not fasting, I have fasted, but even as a clergyman, I never saw the point of further self-restriction. Lately, though-- I suppose when things become complicated, one looks for ways to make them simpler, yes?
[ Silly. He shakes his head. ]
no subject
[No sane man could argue that things weren't complicated.]
But you'll forgive me for observing you seem to have something specific on your mind.
[He doesn't make it a direct question, so it's easy enough to deflect. But it's clearly an invitation all the same. Julius sees no reason to hide the fact that his curiosity is piqued, considering.]
no subject
[ But Julius is asking, maybe-- ]
Can we say-- in your days of being inconveniently trapped in a tower with everyone you ever made eyes at, was there ever more than one? That had your heart, not just your attention.
[ Or else he'd have to count, like, half of Riftwatch. ]
no subject
[He is not going to press for identities; given how long it took for most of the Gallows to notice he and Petrana were involved, there's some evidence for his understanding discretion.]
Not precisely in the way I suspect you mean. I have more than one person I think I could have been happy with longer than I was, in different circumstances. Where we ended because because one of us decided the risk of discovery was too much, or that it would be better not to pursue a deeper connection when we were in a Circle and we'd always be stealing a moment here or there. I still held them in my heart after we ended things, sometimes, even into a new affair. But I was never pulled equally in multiple directions at once, as it were. I suspect part of that was luck, though, not anything to do with my choices.
[And part of it was how many people died in the one-two punch of Uldred and the Fifth Blight, but that seems needlessly bleak to bring up.]
no subject
[ Ilias mostly considered none of those things and then got upset when they turned out to be important. So, bravo. ]
I have not been so careful; perhaps that is a more useful comparison. I was once, but— it is easy to forget, yes? In the moment, that one ought not always pursue a deeper connection, as you put it. But once such bonds exist, and there is danger in their inevitable breaking — I suppose I only wonder if it is cowardice or sense, to sever them sooner.
no subject
[Breakups can be bad in so many ways, even if you're a levelheaded peacemaker.]
As for your position... I honestly don't know. Retreat can represent cowardice or sense, after all, depending on the context. And it's not always clear on the ground. If it were me, I might weigh it differently depending on what the likely danger was.
[Someone being hurt emotionally requires different consideration than, say, a party being made tranquil or someone getting executed.
no subject
Ilias is not much of a liar. Nor much of an actor, it seems, as the reassuring smile he smooths too-late over his expression comes out a bit less No more than bruised feelings, of course, and more What's a little mild possession among friends?.
Anyway. ]
The greater the danger, I gather, the more caution begins to look sensible. [ And the less one wants to exercise it. A sigh. ] Thank you, Enchanter, that is a clarifying rule of thumb at least.
no subject
[wry]
as I said. I've often just been lucky, at least when it comes to this sort of problem in particular.
no subject